What a relationship we have had! Although it took me longer to fall for you than it did for my friends I somehow gather that you left a stronger impression on my life. You’re fun, I’ll give you that much. But most of the time you make me sick, sometimes for days after we hang out. When I’m around you I say things that I would never say ordinarily. And I do things that aren’t like me. I was talking to my dad about you and he said that my grandmother had nothing to do with you because you caused so much drama in her father’s life. And while I was talking to a doctor about your partner-in-crime, sugar, she informed me that you are the most refined form of sugar, so you gots to goooo because I broke up with sugar last week.
I don’t know what this will mean for my social life but somehow I’ll survive without my usual mimosa. I actually found this funny video of things to look forward to without you in my future.