I heard this song today on the radio and I knew she was speaking to God. I often struggle since returning to Christ with being this empty vessel and at the same time a woman with great dreams and personality and will. In the past I knew that I was destined for great things because I had this inner confidence that no one could steal. But when I returned to church I worried that that quality was possibly arrogance. Though I once had an elder pray over me and say “you know the difference between confidence and arrogance and because of this God will use you for great things”. Still, I have lived very close to narcissists in my lifetime and a part of me is afraid that this confidence when met with success will slowly turn into “I Am A god” . (warning the link to the song is awful but I use him as an example because he started off with “Through the Wire“, oh Kanye).
I did have another elder pray over me and say that God is giving me a scepter to declare and do great things but that I shouldn’t worry about success because He will keep me on my knees (prayer). So why do I still have this internal struggle? I don’t know. I guess because I’ve been to the dark side but at the same time I have seen the glory and power of God. This is a season of learning to trust Him and that all things are used for the glory of God. But it’s also a season of learning to walk in the fullness of who I am and not be apologetic about it. Because I have dimmed who I am for many many years out of fear of people hating me too. How do you balance this?
Lord, write your story on my heart and I will follow.