I wanted to take a moment to write about identity and what to do when it’s attacked. In my last post I shared more about my journey through identity and how it led me to a national AncestryDNA commercial. This is in regards to my physical identity, not spiritual. Because of my physical appearance it’s common to get remarks from black and white people on which box I should be placed in. And I explain more about the question that followed me from an early age in the commercial clip below. Now that I’ve told that story I really could care less about which box people want to fit me into. I know what I am, and more importantly, I know who I am. But as a creative person, and really just a person, I needed to finally get that story out of me. I’m grateful Ancestry gave me a way to do that.
Not Black Enough?
Hey You! Don’t ignore me, I’m talking to you. Who do you think you are? You stupid, ugly nigger – you’ll never do anything in life.“
That’s what he shouted at me in the middle of the Pasadena Public Library as I sat down to finally start writing my first book. “He” was the eccentric man sitting at the table in front of my table. It was one of the few moments in my life where I realized I was staring evil itself in the face. Though we wrestle not against flesh and blood, it was a real life horror movie moment. You know the scenes where some possessed person spews something awful to the protagonist in a mocking fashion? This was that scene, but it was really happening. I suspended my belief as he said it because it felt so surreal. But as I looked to the woman on my left to see if she heard his comment to me, the shock in her eyes confirmed that she had and he really said it. It’s like I was hearing the voice of a slave holding ghost from long ago come forth.
But I’m not a slave, I’m free. And this past year has also been about being set free in every area of my life.
I’ve seen this direct kind of attack once before walking down the streets of Beverly Hills with one of my closest friends. It was a beautiful day, but out of the blue this guy crosses our path and shouts at my friend, “You’re UGLY” and kept walking. I knew when I witnessed this that it was direct attack from the enemy because I know my friend and her personal struggles. She is one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out, yet she was boldly attacked by the enemy on that particular strength.
I’ve come to realize that whatever the enemy speaks over us, we can laugh and take note because the opposite of what is being spoken is actually true. My friend is not ugly, she’s beautiful. And I am not a stupid, ugly nigger. I’m an intelligent, beautiful Queen who has done and will continue to do many productive things in life ;). See how that works? It’s simple once you recognize it.
Shift From A Victim Mindset To A Victor Mindset
Shortly after the evil library experience I was invited to a bible study for women who work in the entertainment industry. When they asked what I could use prayer for I really couldn’t find the words, all I could think about was that experience and several others I’d had in my dreams where I’m attacked. One of the keys I got from them as they prayed was shifting my mindset from a victim to a victor. My experiences were real, but I needed to step up my warfare game EVEN MORE. As your territory grows, whether it’s in the spirit or the physical realm, your prayer and intercession must grow to match it. One of my favorite examples of switching from victim to victor is King David.
You can read more about his transformation HERE.
Whether your physical or spiritual identity gets attacked, you can shift the war. You can be the victor, and soon the things that once hurt you will simply make you laugh. Once you know who you are, no one can take that way from you. For whatever reason, identity has been the hardest battle for me to win. But now that I know who I am, the devil and all who align with him better watch their backs.
Have you ever experienced your identity being killed, stolen or destroyed? What did you do?